Leven and I have had a pretty rough summer. Probably the worse in the past 5 years of being married. And yes, each situation has only made us stronger as a family, a couple and as individuals. I'm going to talk about this only because I want to be able to help someone else out that has been in a similar situation or know of someone who has. Plus I have learned over the years that it's ok to talk about pain and things that upset you. So here goes:
One day back at the beginning of May I took a pregnancy test and it showed that we were pregnant. An hour later we get a call that Leven has skin cancer. Talk about going from a high back down to a low. We were excited about the baby (especially Leven) and we knew we would just cope with his skin cancer. I had a sono done at 7 weeks and saw the heartbeat (my good friend did the sono for me). Everything looked great. We then went on vacation to the beach. The next week I had my first "official" sono with the doctor's office. I knew right away there was something wrong. I have had a child before and have been through all of this. The baby wasn't moving and I never saw a heart beat. But the sono tech isn't allowed to tell us anything. So she tells me to come back 4 hours later to meet with my OB. Really? Those 4 hours were probably the hardest of my life. I knew. Why make me wait? I was just so MAD! Frustrated. Leven and I have waited a long time to even convince ourselves that we want another child. So we finally agree on it and then this happens. So 4 hours later and tons of crying, I met with my doctor and talked with her about my decisions. I decided that I did not want a D&C (Dilation and curettage is used to diagnose or treat various uterine conditions — such as heavy bleeding — or to clear the uterine lining after a miscarriage or abortion. It's a pretty big deal, having been put to asleep). I wanted to pass the baby by myself. She gave me some medication that would make me go into labor quickly and help me pass the baby later that night. I was very familiar with ALL of this because my sister had just lost a baby 3 months earlier. So I was able to talk with her and she helped me get through all of it. That night was something I won't ever forget. I cramped and cramped, lost tons of blood, but eventually figured it was all over by the next day. I was actually pretty ok with it all. I know GOD has a plan for my family and something was wrong with that precious baby. So we picked up our broken hearts and moved forward.
Fast forward....I started my period 4 weeks later and assumed my body was getting itself back to normal. But I wouldn't stop bleeding. After bleeding for 12 days, I knew something had to be wrong. I called my doctor and she wanted me to come in and have blood work done. They wanted to check my HCG level (The pregnancy hormone- The hormone human chorionic gonadotropin (better known as hCG) is produced during pregnancy. It is made by cells that form the placenta, which nourishes the egg after it has been fertilized and becomes attached to the uterine wall) and to make sure the levels were back to normal. I get a call around lunch telling me that I need to come back to the doctor's office for a sono. My HCG level was 1300, which is pretty high considering I'm not pregnant anymore. The sonogram showed that I still had the sac and was measuring at 8 weeks. WTH? Really? So my body thinks I'm still pregnant but there just isn't a baby inside. Crazy, right? Maybe that's why my boobs are still huge and I'm still so tired all the time. I am scheduled to have a D&C tomorrow to finally get this all put behind me. I just pray that this is the only issue. I also can't believe I have gone 6 weeks with the sac still in me and NO infection. So yesterday wasn't a good day for me. I just hate feeling bummed out all the time. And I find myself asking God, why? I feel that between Leven's scare and now all of this we just can't catch a break. I know that things happen for a reason, I really believe this, but come on! Please just let us have some good news for once.
As you lay your head down tonight, please think of me and say a little prayer for Leven and I.
